To all of my mamas out there, I think that you will relate to the thoughts that I am about to share. I wrote a little bit about this over on my Instagram but there is so much more that I want to say. If you follow my account it will become clear to you that few things matter more to me than my family. Family, after all, is our safety net from the world that we live in. Sure, no family is perfect– mine included, but at the end of the day we choose to meet each other where we are, and we do our best to love unconditionally.
One thing that has become so insanely clear to me is how life is made up of seasons– some are sunny summer days that we miss before they even end, and others are cold, brisk, chilling winters where we don’t know how we will survive. Yet, I have found that as soon as that chilling winter air stops blowing and those spring flowers begin to bloom, I forget “just how cold” winter really was.
To a person such as myself, who openly admits to feeling everything so, incredibly, deeply, real and “raw”, this is something that has always terrified me. Like, I am that woman who mourns a moment passing as I am in the moment living it. If that doesn’t make sense to you, that is so totally okay– if it does, I am thankful that I am not the only one.
Motherhood, has been the perfect, sobering, experience of just how real “seasons” of life really are.
I caught up with a college girlfriend of mine this morning who is in the early days of motherhood with a precious little boy. We talked about all of the things that go on with a newborn– the sleepless nights, the constant holding/wearing/feeding, the crying that we can’t quite figure out what is needed to make it stop.. all of those things that at one point in time, I felt like were going to be the rest of my life. As she spoke about the sleepless nights I have to admit that I was thinking about the number of nights that the moon was my only friend as Luca and I walked the hallway between his nursery and my bedroom.. convinced that I would never sleep again. As she spoke about how he constantly needs to be held, or worn– I looked over at my almost 17 month old sitting across the living room from me (perfectly content playing with his blocks, on his own/not needing me) and I remembered back to the moments that I swore I would never have two hands to do anything again.
My point of sharing my heart this openly is to tell you that you are not alone and to remind you that whatever “season” of life you are currently in, it will in fact pass. I pray that it’s all sunny, summer days for you, yet- the reality is that nobody gets to live life this way. If you are in your “blizzard” season, remember that the sunny summer days are coming and that when you feel that sun on your face, even for a moment, you won’t remember how cold that winter air felt.
The truth is that we are all in this together, but our seasons look, and feel very differently. When I think back to my blizzard, the things that got me through were the friends who dropped dinner on my porch and didn’t even try to come inside, the family who showed up and held my baby so I could take a hot shower and shave all things that desperately needed shaving, the conversations with other women who were walking the same walk as me, a sweet husband who was patient and put his needs aside (for what I hate to admit– was a longer season than it should’ve been), and last, but definitely not least– the grace of a God who loves me to the point that I cannot even comprehend…and, while we are on the topic of seasons, the realization that all things were in fact, a season.
Your season may not be motherhood, but, I know that you know what I am talking about.
It may be that season of college where you know that the way you are living isn’t your best life, but you feel the pressure to do it because “these are the best days of your life” and “no regrets” and “YOLO.” been there. done that.
Your season may be a rough patch in your marriage where you are living with a person who it takes a daily effort & choice to choose love because you have been hurt. love is a choice, not an emotion.
It may be that season of life where you feel like you have no idea what the heck you are doing and where the heck you are going and that anything and anywhere other than where you are would be better. pray, ask God for direction. He will tell you, you just have to be strong enough to listen.
It may be motherhood, you may still be bleeding from delivery and as your own body is healing and needing love, affection and care– you are working around the clock to give those things to this new life that you chose to bring into the world. been there.
Truth be told, now that I am sleeping 8 hours a night, I miss being needed in those quiet, dark, world-stands still moments. Am I delusional? Some may argue that I am, and I would have to agree. But, delusional or not– I know that I am not alone.
they say that the days are long, but the weeks are short. i say, the seasons come, and before we know it, the seasons go. enjoy the sunshine when it’s warm on your face, and bundle up that jacket when the blizzard blows your way. we are all in this together, xo. Grace
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