I am kind of laughing at myself while I begin typing this post, because I don’t really know where to begin, or what to say. If you’re still reading after that kind of opening… you’re a true saint. This post is getting written because I have been noticing something that I think attention needs to be called to– and that is this whole “goals” thing that I see typed far too often on the internet. Don’t get me wrong, it is such a compliment that certain elements of my life are viewed as “goals”, but I want to make something really clear– the internet shows you what it wants you to see.
Before I go any further, I want to say this– Yes, I have worked really hard to have the marriage that I have and let me tell you, sometimes I don’t get it right– I still work at it every single day and yes, I also have worked really hard to try to raise happy, kind, and affectionate children, but man, do I eff it up sometimes (and take my word for it, Luca can throw an amazing tantrum that leaves me standing there questioning what the heck I did that made my angel child act in such a way).
The truth is that it is so easy to compare our life, our relationship/marriage, children, family, YOU NAME IT, to what we see on the internet. I am all about setting “goals” for myself– from the time I was a little girl I remember the things that I used to tell myself that I wanted some day. I still remember the goals that I would set for myself, some were small and some were big, but learning to accomplish something that I wanted was the best lesson that I learned because it taught me to make myself a priority and it also taught me the importance of following through. I still set goals, daily. Goals are a great and super important thing. I plan to teach my children about the importance of having goals for their life– but, I want to make sure they know that their “goals” are far more than what someone else’s photo shows them that they have to be. Does this make any sense at all? I feel like if we were sitting down having coffee that I could easily express where I am coming from and what I am trying to say a whole lot easier than I am explaining this right now. I wish you could hear my tone, it isn’t angry, it isn’t condemning, it’s concerned. Concerned that as a society we are so quick to label everybody else as “goals” and so quick to forget that there are elements of our own life that others see as “goals.” Do you get what i’m trying to say?
Like yes, maybe you haven’t met the man that you are going to marry someday so when you see a couple together posing for an adorable picture you think to yourself that they are “real life GOALZ”, but the reality is, those two individuals are human… they argue, they disagree, things aren’t always as “picture perfect” as they look at that moment/in that picture on IG. Or, let’s say for example that you have been eyeing and dreaming of owning some kind of ______, and then you’re scrolling IG and you see someone with _______ and your first thought is ________… (are you still following me?) what you’re thinking probably doesn’t make you feel good, and then you find yourself comparing every other aspect of your life to this person because of one simple thing.
This cycle isn’t healthy, friends. I do it too. We all do. The “goal” is to notice this and when you find yourself going down that rabbit trail of comparison, stop. Seriously, stop scrolling, stop comparing, just simply stop. I am going to share something with you– and it’s something that I have told some of my closest friends, but it’s funny, I kind of consider you guys (my readers) my closest friends, so I figure why TF not just write about it here too. I learned this trick when I was pregnant with Luca, and I have now instilled it into other “areas” of my life because it helped me so much. Here we go– a little backstory before I share:
I’ll never forget the day, I was about 7 months pregnant with Luca and I was feeling really beautiful and at home in my pregnant body. It was one of those days that I thought “I could do this six more times and love every second of it”, that was until I opened IG and saw some woman (who I obviously won’t name) who was also 7 months pregnant and then it began— it was like I had zero control of my mind– I started comparing every single detail of my 7 month pregnant body to hers. All of the sudden, the beauty that I felt about myself turned to disgust. I just remember putting my phone down and for the rest of the day I was in a horrible mood. It wasn’t until about a week later that I was driving and I started to think about how someone I don’t even know/who doesn’t even know that I exist had the POWER to make me feel a certain way…. GUYS, don’t miss that– I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON/THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW I EXIST, yet, some stupid picture had to power over me to make me 1) question my own beauty and 2) forget for a few minutes the gift that carrying a child is. I wasn’t proud of myself, and to be honest, I was kind of embarrassed. Instead of continuing to beat myself up about this, I chose to make a change and to do better– for the remainder of my pregnancy I unfollowed the accounts that continuously made me feel not so great about myself (the pregnancy goddesses, the VS models, etc). It may sound so silly, but it made a difference for me. I wanted to know that on the days that I was feeling good, I would continue to feel good about myself (and this meant monitoring what it was that I was looking at). I am obviously not pregnant anymore, but when I found out I was pregnant with Lennon back in February, I did myself the favor of cutting to the chase right then and there and it helped me SO much this time around.
I don’t know what your weakness is, I don’t know what it is that you’re self conscious about, I don’t know what it is that you are fixated on… and, I don’t know, maybe you’re stronger than I am and the comparison game doesn’t get you– cheers to you, gf– but, for me, I know my weaknesses/insecurities and I have chosen to stop feeding them. I encourage you to do the same. Life is too short to allow stupid things to control our emotions.
Writing that above paragraph made me think of something that I read a few years back, if you haven’t heard “The Tale of Two Wolves” here you go–
“A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.
One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.
The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed. “
So, I am not sure if you’re still following.. if you are, you’re truly a saint.. but, these were some thoughts that I had while rocking my boy before his nap and I wanted to make sure I wrote them down before they escaped my tired brain. I hope you have the best weekend, friends. I truly appreciate you.
let’s feed the good one, let’s do it together. xo, Grace